i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
pop tarts are not kleenex
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
