I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
