and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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