I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize