GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
