that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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