Me too!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
