roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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