Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
