Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
