his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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