There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
worst night to have a conscience
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize