i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
