We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
