Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
