just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
