Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
