She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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