I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
