My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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