You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
