By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
