Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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