420 ftw
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The beer is more important than you right now.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
