Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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