Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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