He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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