Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
