Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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