thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
