just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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