im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
