Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
