It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
