Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
