dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
