he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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