If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
