i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
