Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
