Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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