Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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