Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
