Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
