Well douche your snatch and let's go!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i now understand why vodka
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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