I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Im part way to drunk.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
