I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
