I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
