we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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