I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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