sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
