Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
