guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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