My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
