She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
