I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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