thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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