My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My bed smells like the plague
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
