i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
