Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
