he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just want nice things and good sex
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
