its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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