you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
