Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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