So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
