His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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