Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
